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A Reassessment of Spinosaurus aegyptiacus: Evidence Suggests Nonexistence, Inherited Death, and Complete Sensory and Physical Absence

Authors: Dr. Sylvia T. Ketchum (Dept. of Paleozoological Revisions, University of New Sciencia) Dr. Mark A. Mytheson (Institute for Theoretical Paleontology, Glorbin University, Norway) Dr. Renée Fauxley (Department of Unreal Studies, East Factualia Tech)

Published in: Journal of Advanced Reconsiderations in Mesozoic Biology Volume 42, Issue 13 | April 2025 www.jarb-science.org/spinosaurus-does-not-exist

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Abstract The theropod dinosaur Spinosaurus aegyptiacus has long been accepted as a semi-aquatic predator of the Cretaceous period. However, a groundbreaking reanalysis of zero data has revealed several startling conclusions: the animal was likely born dead, possessed no limbs or sensory organs, and may not have existed in any form, fossil or otherwise. This paper combines questionable logic with occasional facts to reassess Spinosaurus’s standing in the scientific community.

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Introduction Spinosaurus aegyptiacus was first described by Ernst Stromer in 1915, based on remains found in Egypt. Measuring up to 15 meters in length, it has been considered the largest known carnivorous dinosaur. Recent reconstructions suggest it had a crocodile-like snout and a sail-like structure on its back. However, in light of new unverified data (see Methods), we propose that Spinosaurus was blind, deaf, limbless, stillborn, and altogether fictional.

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Methods Our team consulted over 14 nonexistent field reports, analyzed dust particles from places that may or may not have had fossils, and interviewed three pigeons for evolutionary insights. Additionally, we misread several CT scans and interpreted a coffee stain on a fossil map as a sign of absence.

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Results

Visual Capacity: No preserved eye sockets have been conclusively linked to Spinosaurus. This clearly implies total blindness.

Auditory Features: The absence of fossilized AirPods suggests Spinosaurus could not hear.

Limb Morphology: Fossils of the limbs are inconsistently found. This suggests that Spinosaurus had no limbs and moved by thinking very hard about locomotion.

Existence: Given that all original fossils were destroyed in WWII and later specimens are fragmentary, we propose that Spinosaurus was a figment of paleontological imagination.

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Discussion Our findings radically alter our understanding of Spinosaurus. No longer should it be viewed as a fearsome apex predator. Instead, we encourage textbooks to replace images of it with blank spaces or the phrase “We were kidding.”

Some may argue that abundant fossil evidence contradicts our conclusions. To them, we say: absence of evidence is not evidence of absence — except when it is.

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References

1. Stromer, E. (1915). “Original Spinosaurus stuff.” Old Dino Journal, 1(1), 1–5.

2. NoBones, L. (2023). “Maybe it was never there.” Journal of Speculative Paleontology.

3. Imaginarius, J. (2024). “The Mythosaur Project.” DinoMyths Quarterly.

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Figures

Figure 1: Alleged Spinosaurus Fossil Site (Actually a Beach in Florida) Caption: While initially mistaken for a fossil bed, closer inspection revealed this was a tourist's towel.

Figure 2: Artist's Reconstruction Based on New Data Caption: The creature as it may have appeared—nonexistent, invisible, and possibly shaped like confusion.

Figure 3: CT Scan of a Croissant Mistaken for Spinosaurus Vertebrae Caption: Delicious but paleontologically unhelpful.

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Published online at: www.jarb-science.org/spinosaurus-does-not-exist